How I met my Husband?

Yes guys I said husband! 

This is not an error, this is not me speaking things into existence, this is us celebrating as of this month one and half years of being married. 

The meeting...

So before we get to the road of our marriage let's talk about how we met. My cousin back in Trinidad celebrates his birthday every year around Christmas time and usually its always in style. This particular year 2013, he decided to celebrate his birthday at a club (Rossco's- if you know, you know). At the time I had my own car, I was in University, no commitments, just a free spirit enjoying life. In the club I was seated for most of the night, I wasn't really speaking to anyone, but this guy (yes Garvin) was just starring across the room. Coming to the end of the night one of our mutual friends introduced me to Garvin best known as "Samas" at the time. I honestly paid him no mind and he can attest to that. I forgot the encounter and went on my merry way. 

Fast forward to about two months, I get a phone call from another mutual friend asking for permission to give Garvin my number. This guy called everyday, texted all the time, he was consistent and persistent. In one of our very first conversations he said "I'm going to marry you". He was open and brazenly vulnerable. Five months after our first meeting in the nightclub I decided to give him a chance, which didn't last too long because two months later he was off to an American university on a scholarship to play football. 

The Long Distance Phase (1)...

Love finds us in unexpected places but I would not recommend long distance to my worst enemy. Those of you that are married or in a long-term relationship knows that it takes work, communication, trust, it takes vulnerability and compassion (just to name a few) for a partnership to be successful. It's not only about a connection, longevity or fancy night outs, we overvalue these too much. Saying this now and reflecting back to that time, Garvin and I both were not in a place to accept how much hard work we did have to put in. I am not saying love is hard but building that relationship will take work. Love is the purest form of emotion and it heals. It is everything but love that is the hard work.

 

We did long distance for about two years, and those closest to us know it was not a walk in the park. Long distance came to screeching halt when Garvin had a really bad accident whilst playing football and teared his ACL.

Decisions...

By the time Garvin returned home with his injury and his surgery, I was somewhat living in my own space. After which, we did life together for about one and a half years. From illnesses, birthdays, hospitalization, weddings, arguments, baptismals, death, graduations, breaks...you can probably name it, we went through it. Experiencing these good times and bad times together made us into the people we are... and still growing into. More importantly these encounters allowed us to become closer to God and find a relationship with him. 

Inevitably, throughout these peaks and valleys, I still had plans that I wanted to accomplish and I knew by that time I finished my undergraduate degree I wanted to pursue my Masters. We both knew what this meant and we decided we would try it again. 

The Long Distance Phase (2)...

When I moved to Scotland it was like a new and fresh beginning, I was so open to new ideas, a new start and meeting new people. We did long distance for about a year and half and within this time we both decided we will not stifle each other but be very open to change and growth. This time apart was an avenue to work on ourselves. After completing my Masters degree and moving to the United Arab Emirates, Garvin and I started speaking on next steps in our lives. We knew that we loved each, we knew what we wanted out of life and we knew we were ready to do life together but with God at the center (finally living in the same country). Subsequently, Garvin got baptized and began his journey into what would be the rest of our lives. 

The move...

Unbeknownst to me, Garvin asked my both parents for my hand in marriage before coming to visit me in my new job and new city. During the visit, February 2019 we got engaged and surprisingly Garvin also found a job at the time and he made the decision officially he would stay permanently. 

The decision...

We settled quite quickly into our life here in Dubai, we travelled a bit and then I had gotten baptized in September of our engagement year. By December, we had decided that having a wedding was not financially something we wanted to splurge on at the time and being home-owners was more important (another post for another time). We called our parents for their blessings, we made the arrangements and on the 19th December 2019, we tied the knot. My mom walked me down the isle, we had two witnesses, two of our close friends and then we celebrated with a small intimate dinner with a few more close friends. 

The Future...

Some of our family and friends are probably reading this like "what!" 

In that moment, we had marked 2020 as the year we will have a ceremony back in Trinidad but God had other plans. However, as soon as the pandemic is over we are over joyed to join our families together as one, celebrate our love and share our vows with our loved ones.

But until then here are some gems we have learnt so far in our seven years together; 

• Place God at the center of your relationship. Pray together, seek Him together and also as individuals (without Him there is no us).
• Forgive and apologize freely (my new favorite quote is "Mature love, loves beyond conflict").
• Leave your pride at the door (speaks for itself). 
• Be committed (it will not always be rainbows and butterflies, relationships are hard work, you will not always feel the same way everyday about your partner but the idea is to be intentional).
• Have a support system (the two of you cannot exist alone, having friends and family who can advise and guide you makes a huge difference).
• Learn each other's love languages.
• Deal with childhood trauma and openly discuss each others' history (as adults trauma can be emulated into habits).
• Take time to be alone together and talk (no phones, no television etc. you'd be surprised about the amount of things you may have missed during the week or days). 
• Compromise (This refers to living in a space with someone else).
• Be realistic, I am reading a book right now called "Meaning of Marriage" and a treasure stuck with me. We have a culture now that in marriage we find this illusion of our one true soul mate and everything wrong with us will be healed. But that makes our partners into God and no human being can live up to that, I think it is important that we remember that in our relationships. 

So without further ado ladies and gents introducing to you - Mrs. Akeia Selvon-Samaroo and Mr. Samaroo. 

By Keiztothecity